We learn about money in school, but not how to talk about it, even though it’s one of the most common reasons couples fight.
One common pattern in relationships is that one person spends a lot and the other saves a lot. The person who spends might have credit card debt or student loans that will take years to pay off, while the person who saves might have good credit and little or no debt. When two people have different ideas about money, it can be easy for them to fight.
To avoid a relationship disaster, the first (and most important) step is to talk about it. When that time comes, make sure you don’t do any of these five things:
1. Bad timing
It’s all about the timing. If one partner comes home from work looking really stressed, it might not be the best time to give them a lot of bills and due dates. To have the most productive conversation, you need to find the right time. You know your partner better than anyone else, so choose a time when you think they’ll be most open to hearing what you have to say. This will make the conversation go better.
2. Having the wrong conversations
When a couple fights about money, it’s usually because of what they didn’t talk about: plans that weren’t shared, expectations that weren’t made clear, and assumptions that weren’t talked about. Many of these fights can be avoided by just talking about your worries. Even though you might talk about some uncomfortable things, you should be able to have a deep and useful conversation about things like your plans for the future, worries, dream purchases, and so on.
3. Hiding money and telling lies about it
A recent survey by GOBankingRates found that about a quarter of Americans tell their partner a lie about their money. It goes without saying that this can cause a lot of trouble. If you lie to your partner about your income, how much you spend, your credit score, or your income, you are also lying to yourself. When it comes to money, the saying “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” is not true. One of the best ways to avoid fights and hurting each other’s feelings is to be honest with yourself and your partner.
4. Not listening well enough
What’s the point of talking to someone if you’re both busy and always cutting each other off? Let your partner know you’re fully there instead of making them feel defensive or like they need to argue. Put away your phones and look each other in the eyes. Another tip is to tell your partner from time to time what you heard. It shows you’re paying attention and makes sure you got what they said right.
5. Not being open-minded
We all put a different value on money. What one person thinks is a good deal, another might think is expensive. The goal isn’t to judge your partner’s actions and behaviors, but to better understand where they’re coming from. When you talk about money, you’re talking about what’s important to you. When you know what your partner cares about, you can be more understanding of what they choose to do. Sometimes you can just agree that you don’t agree.
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